Its so crazy how just a few years difference between my siblings and i really changed our whole view on addiction. I’ve noticed that my older sister and I are a lot alike when it comes to dealing with our older brother and his drug addiction. We see the hope and we know he can get better because we grew up with him sober we know its the drugs doing this. Our younger siblings have never seen him sober and I totally understand why they have the hate for him in their heart I just wish I could help them.

Thinking about the time I told the psychiatrist I was suicidal and all she said was “well u don’t have a plan so there’s nothing to worry about or really do”

Like ok guess I’ll just go sit with my thoughts till I snap I guess

It makes me so sad when people say suicides are selfish because I know my first thought is always how it would effect my family…

Most days I dream about running away to another country and just living unplugged…..but the thought of leaving my little sister and the rest of my family worries me way too much. Ive always been the one to take care of everyone my biggest fear is I’m going to lose myself trying to save everyone else.

(Lately this place has just been like a journal for me which is great cause I’m a ball of stress who can’t seem to get the hang of regular Journaling. So enjoy)

Most days I’m good at keeping my shit together but today I heard that new song from hobo johnson and my first instinct was to send it to you but I know I gotta have boundaries. I just really wish you’d choose your family over drugs I miss my brother :(